Her Quest for Love
Where art meets soul
‘For fires of happiness and waves of gratitude. For everything that brought us to that point on earth at that moment in time to do something worth remembering with a photograph.. or a scar.’ ~ Mickey Smith
Almost a decade ago I came across ’The dark side of the lens’. A short film by Mickey Smith about surf cowboys. I don’t surf. I am not a cowboy. The passion. The magic. The poetry. The sheer WILD of this masterpiece, blasted straight through all the layers I didn’t even know I had build around my heart anyway. Light illuminating every atom of my being. Looking at myself with fire in my heart, I didn’t see what I expected to find. No infinite pools of passion, not a life build on love, not an ounce of wild in my days.
The road behind me had been straightforward. I walked and followed the flashing neon signs at the side of the road. Sometimes going left, sometimes choosing right. One day a trail in the woods, the next a pavement in the concrete jungle. Destination predetermined by paradigms built by generations long gone. A framework of roads, paved solid, clear and brightly lit even during the fiercest blizzards of life. A lot of us are on this road. A lot of us stay on this road. It might not be the most thrilling of journeys, but we know what’s what, it’s comfortable and there are a lot of people going in the same direction. If we stray from this road, new signs quickly pop up to steer us back. Our fellow travellers raise their voices to let us know that we have wandered in the wrong direction, pointing out we are expected to follow the path set out for us. Our fear of the unknown freezes our progress. I’d taken a bunch of detours over the years. I never considered taking a break though. To rest in a field of flowers, to climb a tree, hike up a mountain or freedive the endless ocean. I never contemplated painting the road in my own magnificent colours. I never pondered where I was actually heading and if that destination was one I wanted to end up in the first place. I never realised I could leave this road of millions behind.
It wasn’t a conscious decision. My heart heard the call of the wild. It was a raising of awareness, a vibe radiating from my essence. Slowly. I moved away from what was known to me. At first I found myself in total darkness. All sorts of demons and shadows coming to greet me. I needed to conquer them. It took me as long as it took. Wise ones found their way into my life and shared what I needed to know. I learned to see, embrace, heal and above all to befriend fear, to dance with the shadows. Somewhere hidden in the blackest of darkness I found the light switch. Navigating the light has been challenging in a different way. Learning to feel worthy. Learning to welcome abundance. Learning to walk this earth with love and passion as my true north. I slowed down and heard the universe speak through me. Stories whirling into my heart, pictures framing in my eyes. I write hoping the mysterious, magical waves crashing over me don’t get lost in translation. I experiment with ways to paint what my eyes see, passionate about adding beauty to my days. Stories and paintings merge, art and soul meet. I know a tale has found its ending and I can lay down my brush, when an inexplicable joy sparks my core. What the universe has in store for me I am yet to discover, she is happy I am on my way though.
Who I am today is a jumble of past living and future beginnings. My wild heart waited till it was time, patiently watching the stars move into place. Libra rising, virgo moon in the 12th house, Leo sun in the 10th. Subi. Born with ancestral blood pulsing through my veins, roots going deep into the ancient days of Asia. Finding independence in the burning red hot sands of Africa, the backdrop to little feet lifting off and mastering the unforgettable skill of moving. Growing into a girl, then a teen and later a woman in the northern regions of Europe, were nature spectacularly says goodbye in tempestuous, mercurial autumn and returns fresh and tantalising in spring. Then a rogue psychologist, seeing gaps in what I was taught to believe, ditching the career, high heals and designer dresses, for bare feet, ripped jeans and pots of gold at the end of rainbows. Me. A recovering extravert, finding peace as a vibrant introvert. Story teller. Seer of hearts. Cloud gazer and storm chaser. Wife to my Guy. Mother to three beautifully boisterous sons. Eastern spirituality slow dancing with a western mind. A little psychology and philosophy. Some Buddhism, Tao and earth wisdom. A lot of astrology. More magic than I thought was possible. Mixed up with the experience of living, as my days on this earth turn into years and transform into decades. Fragments of a whole, a whole in fragments.
The road is barely visible nowadays. It’s unpaved. Everywhere I look I see shards of broken ceilings and boundaries destroyed. I walk into the unknown. I am on a quest. For love. Because of love. In the name of love. Only love. All things love. Some days are dark, others luminescent. Some are ordinary, others days beyond extraordinary. I cross paths with all manner of awakened ones, dancing to their own beat, finding purpose in their lives and adding meaning to our universe. Some revelling in this exuberant world for a long time, others like me, only just arriving. I walk alone, we run together and flow into a new era, one of the wild hearts.
Welcome to my little home on the world wide web. I am so happy you are here. These pages are an exploration. They tell the story of what happens next.
With fire in my heart, passion in my soul and love in my being,
Soul portraits | Shades of I
Intimate soul session exploring your shades of I. Resulting in a one of a kind masterpiece, a (digital) painting of you.
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